Brain Dump

What worse can happen than not knowing what you want.And in order to know, they keep saying,do journalliny,write down your thoughts.So here I am,writing down my thoughts without any filter.

It had been my dream to go to Delhi even since I was in 7 as far as I remember. With time it only grew,I knew I wanted to get out of my small world and widen my horizons.I had the spirit,the determination and a surreal hope.I did not know howit would happen but somewhere in my heart,I wished I could go.I wanted to enjoy life,explore places,do something extraordinary. 

By the grace of Allah,I did.But,I didn't feel as excited,it felt too much.I felt unprepared for life.I realised I need to work upon myself a hell lots What's the worst part is-I wanted to do this all my life,I have been living my dream life and somehow the dream doesn't feel mine.I keep reminding myself this is what I wanted and yet here I am.Perhaps,I need to take a break and come back with a fresh mind,rejuvenated spirit and positive affirmations.Thats why I am going back home,We had our holidays from 19 to 26 October.I have left early and won't come back before November.As always,I am trusting my Rab.

I want to be so financially independent that my parents can rely on me.I want to take them to international trips,I want to gift my mother gold jewelry,I want my younger brother to look upto me like he does now.I don't want to look into the mirror and hate the reflection.